La-Rama

Everyone has experienced it. For some, it's been the cause of more lost sleep than even finals season. You know it, you've lived it, and you're a survivor. No, it's not herpes, it's a law drama.

Affectionately known as "la-rama," law drama permeates every aspect of school. If you thought hundreds of well-educated, adult students could congregate and socialize in a suitable manner, you're not wrong, you're just an idiot. From experience you know that these are not new issues. You became well-versed in all of them at a very early age, namely elementary school. But for some reason, several decades later, these budding lawyers in professional school have managed revert back to the same old stupid shit that we had to put up with on the playground inbetween learning our letters.

Maybe it's the exorbitant amount of booze. Maybe it's the sex. Maybe it's the stress. More likely, it's the deadly combination of all three. Nonetheless, there's just something about law school that manages to bring out the kid in everyone. Maturity wise, at least.

And what is even more disturbing, not to sound sexist, is it the ladies of law school are not just active participants, but are social linebackers in the football game that is law school society. I can honestly say I do not know a single lady in law school that does not hate, vehemently, at least one other girl in our class. For anyone trying to plan a party, check your guest list closely, because the inattentive eye could quickly be on the receiving end of a bitch slap, in the worst way possible.

And that's not to say that these little "disagreements" aren't based entirely on a rational formulations. Because they aren't. Ever. Sometimes it's as little as a potentially snide look that was perpetrated a year ago, but that's enough to create an escalated rhetorical arms race and a Cold War the likes of which you have never seen.

I still remember last year. A moment that will stick in my mind forever. I was out with a couple guys, and we went to a bar on a Tuesday. We wanted a pretty chill night, so we picked a bar that we knew wouldn't be that crowded. We found one, and with us, the bar's revenue that night doubled. After several beers and a few words, we got to talking about girls, as guys sometimes do. We might have said something about law school, or we might not have, regardless, a drunk ass  bastard wanders over to our table, slams his fists down, looks every single one of us deep in the eye, and with the sincerity one only gets during a heroic BAC, said one line that summed up so many stories: "Do not date law school girls." Without another word, that gentleman walked out of the bar, never to be seen again.

So the moral of the story is this: if you go to law school looking for love, be prepared for the most brutal dating scene since the caveman era. And be careful who you talk to at parties, guilt by association may not be legal cause of action, but since when did something like that matter to a lawyer. At least cavemen had the decency to mature a little. Regardless, there is never any hiding from "la-rama."