Retraction...for lack of a better word

It has come to my attention that a recent post parodying the now-infamous "Snooki-punch" fiasco may have been offensive to some or, to others, appearing to condone violence against women. I can see how this post, taken out of context, and equating the Nintendo classic "Punch-Out," could have offended some. Let me be clear: P.A.C. BLOG HAS NOT, AND NEVER WILL CONDONE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN (other than those on The Jersey Shore, who typically start it anyway). Certain interested parties have made clear their disapproval of some of my content. I have also discovered that I have quite the secret following among professors and administrators. Whether it be the desire to cover one's ass (C.Y.A) or a genuine interest in my contributions, I cannot blame a single one of them. It is because of my respect for them that I am posting this. If not to justify, at least to enlighten. While it is sometimes my point to offend, I never hope to abuse.

This issue has bothered me, slightly. You see, in spite it all, I think of myself as a uniter. I picture myself on a hill embracing people from all backgrounds and criminal histories. Surprising, I know. In my many years, I have learned many hard lessons, and most of those from my many failures. One thing I have learned is this: often the best way to unite people is to find a common enemy. I'd like to think that I can unite others around the characters I describe in this blog, but I am aware that sometimes, that mob-taunting asshole is yours truly.

That's why I make a point of not using anyone's names in this blog. I have no desire to subject people to public scorn that have not initiated publicity upon themselves. Regardless, the characters I mention in this blog are far from unique to any one law school, to any area of the country, or to any point in time. Part of the charm and popularity of this blog is that these people are not atypical, but common fixtures in all walks of life, even outside law school.

These people generally suck and grate on my nerves. Which is why I ridicule them: to bring the rest of us together. And to vent, but mainly to bring people together.

But my blog is not just where people can find common ground through mutual hatred. No, not at all. In addition to the obvious camaraderie that my blog nurtures, I have also hoped it to serve a discretionary and precautionary function. As I have said, the people I have described are not rare, and I have readers comment on individuals they believe my posts refer to, when my intended target was someone substantially different. These "characters," as I have called them, exist regardless of my opportunity or desire to belittle them. They possess qualities that make these people stand out from the crowd.

These qualities then coerce the crowd into wishing they would be hit by a bus.

Therefore, if one of my posts hits too close to home, perhaps you should ask yourself: "Why?" Next, you should ask yourself, "Is he talking about me?" Then, "Perhaps I do have that annoying/abrasive/anxious/suicidal personality trait The Godfather describes. How can I fix it?" And finally, Step 4: "Would it be better if I just stayed home, never left my house, and through my absence, make the world a better place?"

So here's to you, future agoraphobic! Everyone can make a room better: some by entering, others by leaving.